People say writing on their blog is therapeutic. I never thought of it like that--to me it's scary. Maybe I need a little therapy. I have a need to speak up, speak out, be listened to. I am just such a chameleon that I can't take the spotty feedback problem. As in, I must know how I am received in order to feel safe sharing. But do I really have to care about that? No one reads my blog; I guess that should make me feel better, right?
So at this moment, I am avoiding. Avoiding laundry, scripture study, floor sweeping, finding a nutritious lunch, journal writing (does this count?), making dinner for the missionaries. Why is that? Am I just tired? Yes, baby crying all night tired--or is it more than that? Is it that I've fallen out of the habit of really studying the word of God and I feel guilty? What else am I not getting done? Have I forgotten how to breathe? Am I being fulfilled? Motherhood is such a balancing act, isn't it? Help everyone else and still make time for yourself. Be perfect; don't judge others; don't compare yourself to others.
I am getting worked up now. It's all too much for the arm of my flesh. I need refuge, rest. I am going to go get some. It's sitting next to my journal in a black cover. I know the Lord loves me. I am going to listen to Him.
7 comments:
I read :) It all sounds so familiar...
I love it when you write, and it is scary to put yourself out there. I find the therapy comes, too, when I go back and read it later and see how time moves us through, we march on, and we are blessed. I so understand that space you have just described! You are beautiful, amazing, blessed, talented, loving, a wonderful mother and wife and sister, and ... hard on yourself. The ebbs are as important as the flows. I love you! March on dear sister. and go eat some yummo chocolate :)
ps ... when you feel inclined, please keep writing!
I love when you blog. Motherhood is a balancing act for sure. And I think every mother out there can say DITTO to this post. Hope your energy came at some point so you could get those things done that you wanted/needed... I'm avoiding homework right now... but I think it's time to get to it... I can only procrastinate so long.
YES it is amazing to go back and read your own writing and YES I agree with Q, ebbs and flows. Thank you for standing near the edge and posting something so close to you--close to your mind, your emotion, your heart. It is scary but I guarantee in a few months you will be glad you can read it again.!
Lindsay! Thanks for this great post! I love you and find blogging challenging in the same way. Thanks for writing from the heart - it makes me feel so drawn to you. You are an amazing woman and I am so glad to be your sister. Thanks for reaching out and for sharing so much! Thanks for the skype time last week - you are the best!
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